Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
