Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Where is the hickey?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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