This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize