I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
