I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
