worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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