I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
