Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
