Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
