Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
