Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
