he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
