Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
