Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize