College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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