My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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