you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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