PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
