I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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