the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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