My room smells like vodka and shame
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
