Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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