Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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