After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
