i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
