In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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