Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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