Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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