therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize