I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
