we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
