Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
