Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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