I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
