OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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