He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
