i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
