How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
