she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
