It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
