I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
