please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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