I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
