Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
