You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
