well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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