dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
