I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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