It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
