i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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