Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
