dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize