we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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