My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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