i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
