I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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