He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
