I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
