"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
