Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
