She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
