4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize