His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
