What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize