I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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