i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
