I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
