New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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