i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
