I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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