Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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