four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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