Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize