I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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