and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
