Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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