I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
